


Pills

by SilverFliesInBlueSugar (orphan_account)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (Not too intense but i'll still tag it), Delusions, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Mentioned Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Mentioned Gabriel Agreste, Oops i'm projecting again, Poor Nathalie Sancoeur, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 10:30:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20864744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/SilverFliesInBlueSugar
Summary: Emilie surely hated her. She had done such a poor job holding the Agreste household together.





	Pills

The first thing she did after waking up was take a pill.

It was almost muscle memory at this point. She could do it without thinking. Sit up, open her side-drawer, take out the bottle, get a pill, go to the sink, and wash the pill down with a palm-full of water.

The morning list went as follows:

-Wake up  
-Take Prozac  
-<strike>Eat breakfast</strike> Not enough time for that  
-Get dressed  
-Make sure everything is where it needs to be  
-Leave house  
-Lock door

She sort of wished she could take another Prozac. It wasn't fast-acting enough. She sighed in irritation at her deep-seated desire to just return to her bed and never get up again. That would be immature of her.

She waved Gorilla over and got in the car, nodding at him to drive. Her stomach hurt. She took another pill. This one was called 'Orlistat'. She needed to buy another bottle soon.

She stared out of the window as the car drove down the streets of Paris, wondering idly if today would be just like any day. Maybe <strike>Gabriel</strike> Mr Agreste would have some new villainous scheme. Maybe Mayura could help him out.

Maybe.

Probably not.

She watched the people walking by in the street blur together.

She arrived at the mansion. It was cold. 

She read Adrien his schedule from her tablet, and watched him leave. He looked just as he normally did. Miserable.

Her heart ached, and she silently told it to fuck off.

She wondered if Mr Agreste would fire her when his wife returned. 

She wondered if Adrien would remember her when she was gone.

But wondering did her no good. It never did. No point lingering on possibilities. 

She got back to work.

Lunchtime came and went. She took an appetite supressant. No point stopping now. They were behind in their work already.

She looked at the small pill bottle and wondered what would happen if she took more than the recommended dose.

_'That's called overdosing, idiot'_ her mind helpfully berated her. She frowned and put the bottle away.

_'What's the point? Why try anymore?'_

Shut up. Shut up.

She wondered if she should take another prozac. It seemed sometimes like all she thought about was her pills. The nib of her pen pressed into her palm until it broke the skin. She barely noticed.

Another akuma attack. It played on the TV. She watched it from the corner of her eye.

<strike>Being Mayura was addictive. It was the only time he ever actually showed her affection. It felt like Gabriel and Hawkmoth were two different people. While Mayura and Nathalie were two slightly cracked sides of just one.</strike>

Stop talking to yourself. There's so many e-mails to respond to. How dissapointed will he be if you fall behind? 

She watched Ladybug's power sweep the streets, and knew he had failed once again.

Wasn't the definition of madness to repeat the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome?

It didn't matter. Once Emilie was back everything would be better.

And he would send her away. Probably.

She was co-dependant. She knew this just as she knew she needed to breathe air to live. How long could she survive on her own? How long until she decided to stop it all?

She could never love another again. Knowing it could hurt so much had taken away the appeal of it.

Gabriel wasn't hers. She had no right desiring him.

Adrien wasn't her child. She had no right being protective over him.

And Emilie...

Emilie surely hated her. She had done such a poor job holding the Agreste household together.

She bit her lip until it split.

She went home at 11pm. Fell into bed. Took her Ambien with a glass of wine.

<strike>It would be so easy to take more.</strike>

She curled onto her side and fell asleep.

And just like that, another day began, and the cycle reapeated.


End file.
